That’s how long I have left.
Once that time is up, everything changes. It has to.
These past three months have been the most stressful time in my life since I decided to leave advertising agency life for good. That followed some major bullying tactics and hideousness that I don’t ever want to look back on it as anything other than a klaxon, sounding the alarm for me that this type of behaviour and work environment isn’t for me. (Although after that, I went to a financial brand with an environment that was so toxic it should have been closed down.)
In that decade or so, I’ve started my own thing (which was immediately pissed on by some idiot; let’s call them Nathan), almost died from lung cancer, spent time recovering and rebuilt my life in that shadow. While cancer hasn’t gone away, it’s one I have to live with now that the nastier version has been extinguished.
Looking back
I began my ‘career’ back in 1996. In a short time I went freelance because of the dotcom crash and only took full-time roles at pivotal moments in my life. Roles I regretted almost as quickly as I accepted them. However, in the 23 years I’ve never had a client not pay. Ever.
I count myself lucky.
Sure, there was at least one terrible agency that refused to pay, but I held back the work and doing so released the necessary funds to me. It’s no surprise they went bust.
It’s happened again, recently. Quite a large sum.
The present
I’m also coming to the end of a three-year MSc programme, that has been tough (but mostly fun) to get through. That MSc programme has shone a light on my work in a way that I never thought it would. Mostly, it’s made me realise that what I was doing I don’t need to do any more.
I turned 50 years of age in 2023, too.
It’s making me re-evaluate things. Again. But this time there are easier decisions to make.
The future
I think I’m done working for myself in the way I have been. I’m tired of short-term contracts that may not even be paid for. I’m tired of chasing work. I’m tired, in general.
I haven’t sought out any work for the past three months. It has been a source of stress, but not as much as chasing unpaid invoices. Mostly, it’s spurred me on to get on with other things.
I don’t want a full-time job, though. So it’s a quandary.
I have started a small record label, Unspun Heroes, but that’s not going to provide the funds I need to live in post-Brexit Britain. It’s lots of fun, but it also consumes a lot of time.
When the study finishes in 10 weeks’ time, I’ll have a lot more time on my hands. A part of my identity will change again. Irrevocably. I’ll no longer be able to say I’m a part-time student.
I’ve long joked (seriously-not-joking kind of jokes) that I wanted to be a digital car park attendant. Well, I think that’s what I’m going to do. Find that job. The “no-brainer, switch off and not deeply engage” kind of work. I’ll keep the business running for the record label side of things, maybe do the odd piece of work here and there if it comes up. If I’m still relevant.
It’s a big IF.
I don’t know. I can’t find the effort required any more. As I said, I’m tired.