I’ve always liked the phrase ‘zero fucks to give’. It’s final. There’s no opening for discussion and negotiation. This year, I’ve decided to apply this snappy phrase to what other people think. It’s not about growing a thicker skin – critical analysis of one’s self is important, and if someone else can help you with that then that is welcomed. This is about ignoring the haters, those who seek to undermine or turn me away from doing what I want to do, and generally not getting on board with the whole ‘this is how you should be doing things’ brigade that breeds ‘best practice’ blandness and strict routines.
Nowhere is this more important to me than here. What I write here is, for the most part for me. I’m not seeking an audience. If I were I’d start a newsletter. Blogging is – aside from fodder for the AI techbros’ machine learning programs – there for me to think things through, to explore, to get stuff out of my head.
I’m using it like ‘morning pages’ (which comes from Julia Cameron’s ‘The Artist’s Way’) to throw out words and not think too hard about them. Unless… unless they spark something that feels worthwhile to follow up on. I want to break the barriers I’ve put up in the past few years, to free up parts of my brain that I have neglected.
Yesterday, as I mentioned in my previous post, I had a meeting where I had a discussion about my process. Someone I’ve worked with a little bit was telling me how interesting they found my methods for engaging with a situation, the questions I pose, how much I listen before I talk, etc. It reminded me of when I was thinking about the ‘How of Work’ stuff from my Formation London days. They mentioned that I did things in a way they’d not seen before, that it was less rigid and more in tune with whatever was required of the challenge in front of me.
In the past, others have said this is a negative of how I work, that I should have a repeatable process. Now, someone was objectively being positive about not having rigidity. At least to begin with.
And so I am not listening to the commentary. Or reading the comments. I’m just doing what I need to do for myself. I’m giving zero fucks, for the time being at least. Because this isn’t written for other people, it’s a tool to get me somewhere else.
You know what? I already feel more confident in my own abilities. I feel lighter. I feel like I want to start doing some things again. Some of the things that I used to do – the silly things, the how-does-this-work experimental things.
I want to fail more again, or not be swayed by success (or perceived success). I want to find my own path once more in the creative aspects of my life. To not be constrained by a prompting machine, or a client brief, or what other people think.
I’ll be happier for it, I reckon.